What I’m Reading

Living Successfully with Screwed-Up People by Elizabeth B. Brown

The title of this book caught my eye — who hasn’t had the situation of working with screwed-up people? Screwed-up relationships can occur at home or at work and sometimes at both.

The author begins the book by explaining that difficult relationships are like swamps. “In a swamp your vision is obscured by vines, alligators, snakes, and mosquitos. When your vision is obscured you need to see the situation from a different perspective — the aerial view.” An aerial view is just what it sounds like — an all-encompassing view from the sky. I’ve also heard it called the 10-foot view. An aerial view allows us to see further from various directions. It allows you to see the possibilities, the improbabilities and the impossible.

Ms. Brown explains that it takes only one person to change a relationship for the good or the bad. Healthy professional relationships include four important components: (1) respecting each other, (2) accepting personal responsibility for one’s own behavior, (3) allowing others to bear the consequences of their behavior, and (4) caring about the situation but not enabling bad behavior.

For those individuals interested in improving non-working relationship, it often helps to begin by improving yourself. The author suggests the following 15 steps for improvement:

1. Volunteer. Help someone. Give more than you get.
2. Do some little simple thing for yourself each day.
3. Keep busy but not overwhelmingly busy.
4. Say thank you five times during the day.
5. Be calm and unafraid to say what you feel.
6. Say something positive each day to the people with whom you work.
7. Keep a journal.
8. Find concrete ways to meet your emotional needs.
9. Read a positive meditation, quote or joke each day.
10. Hug yourself and at least one other person each day.
11. Do something outside.
12. Tell someone how special they are or how good they are doing.
13. Sit quietly for a minimum of 5 minutes.
14. Write a thank you letter to someone each week.
15. Exercise.

Finally, remember to act rather than react. Prepare for constructive conversations. Practice being objective. And put these tools into action.

— by Karen Krzmarzick, CAE, MAOM
Executive Director, American Society of Ophthalmic Administrators