The Book I Am Reading:
"Leadership and Self-Deception:
Getting Out of the Box"
written by The Arbinger Institute
Book review by Laurie K. Brown, COMT, COE, OSA, OCS, Administrator, Drs. Fine, Hoffman & Packer LLC
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Laurie Brown
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I’ve just finished my second read-through of a great managerial toolbox book, “Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box,” written by The Arbinger Institute.
A co-worker, who was reading it after having finished “The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict” by the same authors, introduced me to it. She found “Peace” when searching for something to assist her family in dealing with what we later learned was “collusion” behavior, which is an impediment to effective communication. The “Peace” version deals with leadership principles in a familial setting, to allow the reader to see application and effect of the material in that context. The second book, “Leadership and Self-Deception,” is presented in a workplace setting. I read both books together with colleagues, forming our work “book club” within our administrative committee meetings.
Both books are written in easy-to-understand, some may say cheesy, storyline ways familiar to most of us who’ve experienced the managerial quick-read. These books are worth going through slowly to let the principles sink in. The reader is readily able to identify happenings in their spheres of influence directly related to the insight they are gaining as they read.
Our committee has seen great results from becoming aware of the leadership and self-deception principles. We can be at times a group of strong opinions, being basically of the same mold as leaders of ophthalmic practices. We care for one another but somehow aren’t always able to find the compromise easily that is necessary to appreciate each others’ needs and views in order to move forward together. Since reading “Leadership” as a group and spending a few minutes each week discussing how we’ve identified with and put to use the information learned, we’ve gained effective communication tools.
We’ve shared how we may still have charged conversations when the subject matter seems to warrant it, but now we recover so much more quickly to see the other person’s perspective, needs, and efforts made to be as objective as possible.
The most valuable principle I’ve learned is to view others as people, and not as objects, when I’m not getting the response I’d like or that I was expecting. To realize when my actions are participating in making another person defensive, or when another is just defensive on his or her own, is invaluable. How not to contribute to the collusion of behavior that facilitates in giving you more of what you don’t want in reaction from others is priceless. “Leadership” explains well and in a useful way how, no matter our presentation style, “people respond primarily to how we’re feeling about them on the inside.” Intellectually, I believe we know this, but the tools provided to help one realize their own self-deception in a situation is very constructive.
The book provides encouraging examples of successful implementation of the principles in applicant screening and hiring, conflict resolution, leadership and team building, accountability transformation, and personal growth and development. I’ve encouraged my husband, friends, and other colleagues to read “Leadership and Self-Deception.” My physicians have all read it and they purchased it for every staff member.
The book makes us acutely aware of our participation in any conflict and forces us to step back and take full stock of our communication processes to improve them. I believe it is a must-have, culture-improving tool every organizational mechanic should have in the toolbox.
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January 2012 eNews